My Deepest Sexual Desires

30 Days of Kink: Day Thirty

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

I’m still pretty young and as comfortable as I am with who I am and my sexuality, it’s still evolving. I still have so much to experiment with and explore and figure out and I fear that I might end up trapping myself somewhere I don’t want to be.

I want to try it all, I want to experience It all, but that doesn’t mean I’ll want it forever.

I’m not saying I’m going to one day wake up and stop being kinky. That’s not going to happen. But just the details of it, or the relationship dynamic. Some things just need to be tried once or twice and then put in the “been there, done that” pile.

I will always be submissive. I will always be kinky. But there are many layers and dimensions of kink to sift through. I just hope I land on the right one in the end.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Nine

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

I don’t really have a preference on what i’m called. Anything degrading works for me. slut, whore, toy, pet. those are all hot. I want him to tell me what he wants to be referred to as and then enforce it. Make sure I say it. Sir, Mister, Master, whatever it may be, but I do want to use a title. However, I don’t even need a specific name. I do, though want to be called names (if that makes sense). 

“Daddy” is the one thing that I’m not entirely keen on. I mean, it doesn’t bother me enough to turn me off completely, I can dissociate the word from my actual father, that’s no problem. However, I do call my actual father “daddy” (i know, juvenile, but i’m a total daddy’s girl) so if I do, for whatever reason, have the time to make the connection in my brain from the word “daddy” to my actual father, I’ll then have to spend mental time to remove the thought. So, I’d rather avoid the issue all together.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Eight

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

No significance what-so-ever. I don’t like “costumes”. I think they are unnecessary.

Now, if i’m dating someone with a school girl fetish, or who comes across an outfit they like in a sex shop, I have absolutely no problem wearing said outfit. And I could totally get into it. I get off on getting them off. But personally, I don’t see the point. I don’t have a latex fetish or anything. I do find men in uniforms hot as hell, but I wouldn’t want my guy to dress up as an officer of some sort just for sex. Now, if that’s his job, and he comes home dressed like that, well that’s fine, but don’t put it on just to have sex. That’s silly.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Seven

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Ummmm…
I’ve been trying to think of how to answer this one for a long time.

I wanna say no, but I’m not sure how that’s possible. I am who I am no matter what I’m doing.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Six

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

I enjoy playing online. I think it’s nice to meet people online and share your inner desires, because it feels safe.
However, It’s also extremely dangerous.

Yes, of course the majority of people you’ll meet online are not people that want to stalk you, or steal your idenity, or murder your family BUT those people are out there too and there’s really no fool proof way to weed them out.
There is absolutely no privacy on the internet. Ignorance is bliss and so many of you really don’t know how easy it is for people to access everything on your computer and track you down from it all.

Regardless, I tend to ignore what I know and indulge in internet relationships online anyway. But the truth is, if I was sexually satisfied off of the internet, I guarantee you I wouldn’t even have this blog.

(Not to say I don’t enjoy my online experiences, because I really, really do. It’s just a LOT of risk.)

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Five

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

People that know me know I’m not shy when it comes to sex. I don’t think it’s a topic that needs to be tip toed around.

People that know me well know that I’m a bit kinky. They know I like handcuffs. They know I like a firm hand. That I enjoy a good spanking. But they don’t know much more than that and why should they?

There’s really only one person on this earth (other than my tumblr followers ;)) that know just how far my fantasies go. And there’s even things that he doesn’t know.

I assume the only person that will know every single nook and cranny about this aspect of my personality with be my future husband and I wont know him for a while yet.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Four

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Well, kinky is definitely not a requirement, however it is a very big perk.
Like I’ve said before, everyone is a little kinky and most people are willing to try new things. With every new relationship it’s a whole new physical journey between the two of you. You’ll find things that work for both of you. You’ll learn how you fit together, how you move together.

My big thing lately is needing someone that cares as much as I do. Someone that is willing to put as much into as I am.

Someone funny. Smart. Independent. Someone that has goals and passions. Some one with interesting thoughts and dreams. Someone I always have something to talk about with.

And, I’m not going to say they need to be a model, but physical attraction is of course important. Someone that can make my panties wet just by looking at me. If that physical connection isn’t there it’s never going to work.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Three

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Of course they have. I change as person with every year I’m alive.

I first developed an interest in kink at the same time I was developing an interest for sex in general. So, of course, over the years, as I got older and more experienced more doors opened and I was more comfortable with myself and my sexuality to try different things, or at least consider the possibility of trying something new. As I meet new people, learn more about life, experience more life, my opinions on things change.

How have I changed in relation to kink?
I guess in general I just get more intense with each passing year. Wanting to try more things. Push more limits. push harder on existing limits. I’m willing to take more pain than ever before. Anal is back on the table when It never was before. I’m much more willing to give myself over completely. Things that used to make me cringe now turn me on. Or at least intrigue me.

I’m always changing. I try to never say never. Life changing moments happen everyday. If we all try to stay the exact same person we are right now for the rest of our lives we wouldn’t get anywhere. We’re suppose to grow, change and adapt.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty Two

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

It doesn’t differ. The same things that are important in a BDSM relationship are important in ALL relationships. It’s just more imperative in a BDSM relationship. Things such as, TRUST & COMMUNICATION. Those two are the biggest. They’re essential.

Also, I think in a vanilla relationship sex can turn into a mundane, almost chore like activity. “Ok, honey fine. You can fuck me, but you’re on top and we have to finish early, I have to be somewhere soon”. That shit can’t happen in a BDSM relationship. Both parties have to enter into it with compassion, trust, willingness. If you have bad feelings such as bitterness & anger…well, needless to say, you don’t want someone feeling that way towards you when you’re tied down, blindfolded and letting him shove his cock down your throat.

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty One

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Wow, I don’t believe I’ve read any.
Suggestions?

30 Days of Kink: Day Twenty

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

I’m curious about anything that exceeds my limits, or that anything that I’m just not into.

Just because I wouldn’t do it doesn’t make me shut it out completely. I wanna know why people like it. What it does for them. How it appeals to them and how it effects them.
Things like,

• 24/7 M/s relationships.
• Piss.
• Needles.
• Feet.
• Male Bondage (not that i don’t understand male bondage, or that i don’t like it, just that i don’t know many guys that enjoy it, so i’d like to know more a male’s sub experience)

30 Days of Kink: Day Eighteen & Nineteen

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Um, no? I can’t think of anything that peeves me about BDSM. …Maybe I’m not thinking in the the right place…

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

I think I’m more open to new experiences now. I also view pain a little differently. I don’t fear it, but accept it and grow from it.

30 Days of Kink: Day Seventeen

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

You know, I think it’s just the general feeling of people thinking it’s “wrong”.

Now, we could go into a bunch of different reasons why it’s “wrong”. Religous reasons, moral reasons, mental reasons. People just think you’re sick in the head. But all the above reasons are true for any minority. (and honestly, I don’t think kinky people are that uncommon)

But it’s like this: I’m not going to tell someone that they are morally wrong, or sick in the head for obsessing over lighthouses. Say someone collects lighthouses. They read books about lighthouses. They go visit famous lighthouses. They hang up pictures about light houses. They may even belong to a web community we’re they discuss lighthouses with other people that love lighthouses. (this is a dumb example, but everyone has an obsession, or something they’re really into, a hobby, or a craft.)

No one is committing a crime. No one is harming people that don’t wish to be harmed. It’s all consensual. It doesn’t effect anyone that doesn’t want to be effected by it. Who cares if it’s “wrong” It’s what we like. It’s our lighthouse.

30 Days of Kink: Day Sixteen

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Feeling disgraceful. Having such a secret and just the thought of my mother’s face if she ever knew.

Of course I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my sexuality or my kinks or my general lifestyle. I’m happy with who I am and how I live, but my mother has very, very different ethics and morals. I already break her heart with so many other things we disagree on.

She get’s angry and disturbed at sexual jokes in movies.
I shutter to think of her response to this.

30 Days of Kink: Day Fifteen

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

• Anal hooks.
• Candle wax.
• Breath play.
• Suspension bondage.
• DP (that’s not really a BDSM activity, but it’s worth mentioning)
• I really want to sign up for Public Disgrace/Kink.com and to a audience participation shoot. (that’s more of a fantasy, cause yeah, right, like i’m ever really gonna do that)

There’s totally way more that I can’t think of right now…